Is such a bitch. Sigh.

I miss what we had and I miss you. Why can’t we just start fresh? 

My friends tell me I need to be less picky with my guys and it’ll help me stop all these flings but- either way. I’m only picky mainly because I don’t want to get hurt again and I know what I want. I don’t want to waste my time. I’ve tried several different types of guys and maybe it’s because I’ve only met the douche of those types but even with a sweet guy, he may not know it but still did me some harm. Like I’m done with that. I may have my guard up more, be less open, play with a guy more, but that’s just to see if this guy meets my expectations and I’m sure I don’t get hurt as much. Being picky does suck because the type of guy I want rarely exist but he is out there and I’m willing to be patient. I know my friends just want what’s best for me and want to see my happy but I’m just tired of all the pain is all.

A. They don’t see the great value in you. 

or

B. They have an ugly personality.

I’ve always been the independent. I’ve always wanted to have a significant other that I can depend on. I didn’t always want to be alone. Just somebody I can who can be there for me and cheer me up. Tell me I am beautiful and love me for who I am and not go after other things. But I have friends who fill in that hole and make me feel special. I always wanted to at least be the dependent type here and there but I guess I will be stuck as the indepedent. But I really don’t mind it at all. There are times where you will be alone amd must defend for yourself. Those who betray you and must carry on. I feel proud to be able to be strong with a man.

Wether it be about dealing with an ex, boyfriend troubles, trying to get rid of some feelings for an old crush, worried about during other peoples feelings and especially my own. Always wanting to feel loved after being through so much bullshit from other guys. Maybe it was karma from treating guys so horrible before I’ve learned from my mistakes. Now a taste of what those guys have suffered. Suffering from trust issues or getting somewhat too attached, I end up getting hurt and looking for comfort by maybe flirting or talking to a lot of other guys. I’ll even do it for fun to put my mind at ease but that won’t solve anything. It just makes you crave more and after those flings end you’ll be left alone, wanting to cry and maybe feel pathetic. But the thing is, you need not to worry and just be happy where you are in life. Just focus on what’s important: school, dreams, goals, hobbies, friends, and family. Why waste time going after a guy who doesn’t even want you. Why waste time getting hurt constantly. Why waste time overthinking or playing others. The guy will come eventually in your life. Don’t go searching or being impatient. It will lead you nowhere. Fate will introduce you to your love and it will feel 1000 times better than trying to search because you’ll never know who it is, when, and where and really connect. I feel really bad for my friends dealing with my constant worries and love problems and I should of listen to them and not worry and be patient. Maybe the guy you like might not realize it now but will realize you later on in life. Maybe you’ll meet somebody way better than your last. Maybe you’ll fall for somebody you never thought you’ll be with. Just remember, don’t stress and go on with life.

That would make me so happy but, it will never happen.