I’m just not meeting the right guys. I’m better at spotting players but kind of  sucks that I hope that when they say they aren’t that type of guy they would prove me wrong but whatever. I should just try my best to not get invovled but whenever a nice guy randomly pops up I never know if he might be one of those “ones” and I don’t want to turn him down but lately they’ve all be players. I really just need a good break or meet a good decent guy. I know not all guys are buttheads but where are the nice ones :[

Knew he be seeing and talking to another girl. His vegas trip he be holding hands and getting all intmate with another girl then prank calling him with my friend he ends up wanting to meet up and flirting with my friend and took her seriously then I confront him about both he be all in denial and putting blame on me bullshit. He even now changed his profile picture to holding hands with that girl. Damn good hink I caught his player ass. Whatta nigga.

Is it because you hurt me the most?

Is it because I fell in love with you the most?

Is it because of unresolved issues?

Is it because of no closure?

Is it because this all happened after we didn’t work out?

Is it because of all the mean stuff you said behind my back?

I know I deserve and do better but I keep getting hurt and feel like I don’t deserve this.

Why do I keep thinking about you in times like this?

Welp, I’ve fixed things with a certain boy I’ve been talking to and told him what was wrong. We shall take things slow and how he will prove himself different from all the other boys who’ve played me. We both do have genuine feelings for each other so we’ll see how things go :D

Welp, another thing that might still effect thing possibility is the whole navy thing but I shouldn’t worry about that until another year or two if we are together by then. I should just try to focus on the present now and worry about the future when it approaches or it will ruin things. 

Welp, I also need totally closure from the past relationships/flings that left me heartbroken. Just need some answers or just totally accept things on how they are without an answer. Just frustrating on how I don’t know anything and I’m beating myself over it on how things became the way they are. Can we at least be friends or tell me the reason behind your actions instead of lying to me or hating me or ignoring me.

Welp, lastly I still have lingering feelings for a bestie/bro and I know I shouldn’t. He’s already taken and I know since I’m his sister that is the only thought that will cross his mind when he thinks of me. I know he use to like me back in middle school but I just wasn’t really accepting and friend-zoned then eventually brother-zoned him. (Gosh friend/brother-zone boys too much T_T anyhow…LOL) After loosing touch and reuniting I was so happy to be together with him again and how much he changed for the better but both of us always being so overprotective and being there for one another when our hearts have been broken I feel so sad and heartbroken and wanting to be there to comfort and be closer but the thought struck me of what if we took things to another level but I never wanted to ruin our relationship we have now since it’s so great. Then eventually he started to become more busy and I have too and it’s hard to see or talk to each other due to distance. We both love each other a lot but know he has a new girlfriend and a new circle of popular guy friends I feel like I’m kinda left out in the dark but I should still be there for him when he needs me but I feel like sometimes he just doesn’t want to be around me. Maybe he knows I still have those lingering feelings of wanting to move past this brother and sister/ best friend stage. Maybe we are meant to stay in there or maybe later in the future there is more in store for us. I don’t mind being the sister but sometimes it does frustrate me that brother-zoning him would make me feel like this you know.

omgomgomg is these two friend this and know it’s them I’m so fucking screwed.

UGH, what is this!? One friend who I has a longass complicated friendship/fling/history with wants to be a close friend and be there for me but other times seems like he wants to get at me, before it was somewhat the other way around until I found out the truth. (still pissed but pshh he don’t know that LMFAO and I’d like to keep it that way. There’s a lot I know hahah) and I feel so bad not having to reply for over a week or so. Then calling me out on it. I’ve always longed for this but I don’t know, I knew it was going to happen but now I think about it I just seem the guy as a hot boy toy o.o friends with benefits. sexy buds. makeout sess. UGHH my perverted horny ass teen mind! Like motherfucker our shit is complicated he doesn’t even know like 3/4 of what I had to deal with drama and shit. No bueno. Anyhow, at least I like how he’s putting in effort just maybe the wording or whatever. Plus I’m scared if it’s the other way of wanting to get together, I’d rather not get hurt and friend wise I feel scared of being hurt too. Or being misunderstood 

OMG the other ones that makes it so awkward! From time to time I always wonder what if we didn’t have the bffl brother and sister relationship and be hella protective of one another. We both been through the same exact type of shit and trying our hardest and pouring our emotions but just never to the right person and left so hurt or be cheated on and etc. Seeing him all hurt and everything makes me so sad knowing he is an amazing boyfriend. I love our relationship of today but at times I wonder would it be better we weren’t like that and give it a try but I’d rather not risk it and I’m happy where things are. He’s short but he’s hella good looking and so sweet and adorable and funny and blehhhhh I am not going to have a fucking sister complex so awkward and gross eww!!! Fuck, if he was taller I would like die and pain -.- then when he told me he already did it like omgomg the picture in my head when I think that and the possibility of us UGHH NOOO. NOT RIGHT but then again. DAMN ADOLSENCES STAGE. 

GAH. So frustrating and even though I had soo many flings and so many past historys with boys and so may guy friends I friendzoned and call them brother and omg. FUCKK then how I have all these urges I’ve always surpressed like fuckk it. I NEED TO LET IT OUT UGHH. Sometimes I feel like i just need to go smoke a blunt and chill and relax or go get wasted and have fun but no. BLEHH NO ME GUSTA UGHH. SCREW THIS RANTING SESSION.

BYE.

I don’t mind but it’s so overwhelming. I am not trying to start shit or any type of drama. I am telling the truth. I am helping hooking up friends. Helping understand the other person. Give advice and guidance but I can’t fix the damn problem T^T that’s their decsion and not mine and their life. I won’t be there for them all the time. I am so worries they’ll get heartbroken. I want to protect them. I want to be there for them. I don’t want to screw anything up. I don’t want to see them through pain but through happiness.

God, I swear these animes are so fucking amazing but will mindfuck you are hard! Then it’ll make you cry. Then have crazyass shipping wars. Or they will leave to totally speechless and so confused with your mouth wide open like “The hell just happen!? No way it’s over…MORE!”

I question the amount of notes certian posts recieves when they shouldn’t be having that many. Some of the posts here on Tumblr don’t deserve even a 100th of what it actually got compared to another post which barely got any and deserved way more. Seriously feels like some damn bullshit. Especially with those posts of them ratchetass girls with their cholo/asian hoochie makeup pounded on their faces and wearing a shit ton of “swag” apparel and name brands such as obey, supreme, stussy, etc that don’t even look good together. At least coordinate. Don’t just throw it together because their the hype. Or they be having their boobs hanging out. Then the girls be doing some sluttyass pose in the mirror with duck lips or some “fierce” look. They get like 10k worth of notes. Then you got those girls who are dressing classy and appropiately. They just be standing there all cute or a bit average or all model status in a super nice background in a very nice and chic outfit with the right amount of makeup or no makeup with a pretty giant smile so radiant and they’ll get what. 10 notes compared to the girls who look like guys or wannabe strippers who get 10k. 

I get hella pissed and frustrated when people think I can’t be single/fling-free for a year.

I mean like I do have a past and known to be a flirt or have flings but when people don’t believe me when I say I don’t want to be in a relationship or a guy right now and say of what guy are you talking to now or if I talk to any about any guy or hang with them, even if they are my bros, I still get shit for it.

Yeah, I would love to be in a fun, stable, loving relationship but I’d rather focus on school and I’m not ready. I’m always being left for another girl or friendzoned or cheated on or something else horrible. I have tons of trust issues with guys now and rather not get close at all. I’m like terrified to really get intimate with a guy. Scares the living shit out of me. 

When my friends say they understand why I have the single/fling life and their reason is that it’s fun, I get kind of pissed. Sure it’s fun but you don’t really develop any real connections and ties and toy with their hearts or they toy with yours. I’m tried of never being able to stick with one just person. It does frustrate me when everything is going good then they pull some stupid shit or I might slip a little bit.

Well, I just know I’m not ready to be in a relationship and God & Fate will give me the right person at the right time [:

I want a sexy ass car but then I want a badass motorcycle.

Why can’t I have both.

Fuckkk.

Damn, we look cute together but, shit happened.

Though we didn’t really resolved it and fought.

Randomly, you decided to talk to me again.

Little by little we talk more, here and there.

We changed appearance wise but personality wise,

I’m not exactly sure.

You are doing some things you said you’d never do.

I’m looking at new pictures of you and I’m like, “Damn, you look hella cute in that photo. You look better than before.”

Yet, I know things will never be the same and I’d rather not try things again.

But I still wonder, What if we actually gave it a shot.

Grow the fuck up. Nobody wants to deal with your obnoxious ass.

Okay, holy shit. I’ve been doing fine without you in my life though my life has been really rough lately. After I cut off all connections, somehow you always pop into my life somehow but, I choose to ignore and recently I was curious and how you were doing.

And apparently, you are doing horrible. You say you are living in hell, lost in the darkness, choosing to face things alone and believe that you are alone.  After reading those depressing post, I felt really bad and guilty and wanted to cry. I just wanted to do it out of pity but its more of sympathy.

I only felt guilty because of the promise we made to each other and I hate to see you suffering like that and I only care and want to help but you broke our promise first and always thought badly of me which I hated. You always hurt me and I try to show it to you but you never noticed or you think I’m unnessecary bullshit. I seriously didn’t appreciate that. You would always think I’m so in love with you or I still have a crush on you or all I think about is wanting to have a boyfriend and being in a relationship is everything I think of in the world and that I need. Like fuck you niggah for thinking that and always leaving me in the dark and never telling me shit no more and then hurting me more, leave me for some wannabe version of me who isn’t even that pretty then end up leaving you for another guy. Ha.

But then again I feel bad with all the troubles you’re going though but why care for somebody who stopped caring for you. Like shit, I’m tired of effort, protecting yo ass, believing in your words, and ever liking/having a thing with you. Being friends with you was hard, getting rid of feelings and being there to help and support. I got over it but you still kept thinking I wanted to be all over you. You can be such a fucking hypocrite, no you are one, but in the end you have a big heart and you get hurt easily. I am tired of all this hating on you and wish we could be friends again but I don’t think that’s going to work really.

I wished I had never met you to be honest so I didn’t have to deal with all this drama but then I wouldn’t have meet great new friends and had good memories. I do appreciate that good things you have done for me but you’ve done more hurt and bad than good. Overall, I just decided to write that nice anon message to you so you’ll be able to give yourself strength and move forward. It’s just a phase, don’t let it phase you. I don’t know why I started following you again but I still worry but I know I shouldn’t. You stopped giving a shit about me and think that I am shit. I should be doing the same but I don’t know why I can’t. Well this is just a phase for me as well and I’ve moved forward.

I just wish the best for you and everything become clear and better for you is all.